


Damaged

by Helene08



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Connor backstory, Episode 3X08; No More Blood Coda, Episode Related, Fluff and Angst, I just need my babies to be happy, I mean did you saw how he won't let Ollie alone, Let's imagine that Thomas is up to something and is a total psycho, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Threats of Rape/Non-Con, just saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-30 14:29:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8536762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helene08/pseuds/Helene08
Summary: God he hates him. He hates Connor so much.But, he mostly hates himself more for still caring.For still loving him.At this moment he wishes that he was the one under the sheet and not Nate. He just wants to sleep or die.This past week was a total nightmare. All his life become a total nightmare and he’s the only one to blame for this.Their relationship is broken, their relationship is fucked up and unhealthy. He really thought they could have go through this together, but him and Connor were too blinded up by their love to saw how toxic and fucked up their relationship was.Too much secrets, hurting and bad things were done in both of their side. He did everything to hold into a small ray of hope, that if Connor was honest with him. Finally letting him in, they could work things out.Together.It could have worked. It really could have. Maybe.Probably not.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and I'm sorry for any mistakes or grammatical errors. 
> 
> Discliamer: HTGAWM and anything recognizable doesn't belongs to me, if it was the case I would have make these two idiots fucking TALK a long time ago. I just use fan-fiction to fix this. 
> 
> God Coliver break my heart once again, what's is new? I hate the writers, last episode, especially the end broke my heart so much. Can't we use a fucking breath Pete?! Just give us a break, Okay? Coliver is killing me. 
> 
> I'm really sorry if Connor backstory seems weird or rushed and all, I got carried away after last night episode who broke my heart once again.  
> Ps : I saw that someone also posted a story with Con' back story and they look alike, I promise that I wrote this before I read it. But I found this kinda funny we had the same idea, almost.
> 
> Like always I suggest to listen to the song listed in there.

_“ **When I was young I would look in the mirror**_  
**Didn't know it then but now it couldn't be clearer**  
**That I remember being filled with such wonder**  
**Before learning' that the world can be harsher**  
  
**Who you love or the color of your skin**  
**Or the place that you were born and grew up in**  
**Shouldn't decide how you will be treated**  
**Cause we're all the same when everybody's breathing**  
  
**Waiting for a change to set us free**  
**Waiting for the day when you can be you and I can be me**  
**Waiting for hope to come around**  
**Waiting for the day when hate is lost and love is found**  
**Waiting for a change**  
**Waiting for a change”**

**_Change, Christina Aguilera_ **

* * *

 

A few weeks passed and Oliver was doing everything he could to not _fall apart._ While he was worried sick for Connor, while all of their friends were worried for him, he was sleeping with Thomas.

The same Thomas who hurt him. The same one who rejected him and pushed further his self-low esteem and his fear that nobody will want him anymore because he was too tainted. He was too tainted, tainted for life. Nobody is going to want him.

He is too broken for that.

* * *

 

**_ Two weeks Earlier  _ **

When Oliver saw Connor walking towards them at the hospital he ran in the hallway and thrown himself at him.

He was too relieved that he didn’t noticed how the youngest man tensed at the touch. How he wasn’t hugging him back.

How, instead of a warm and comforting embrace he was only greeted with a cold and emotionless one.

Oliver pulled away and said on the verge of tears “I was so worried for you. I thought I lost you. I thought you were dead.”

Connor give him a cold look and said dryly “Well, I’m alive. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“What? I-“ the oldest man shook his head, “No. Annalise house burned down, didn’t you hear?”

“I know,” retorted Connor coolly.

Ignoring the youngest man cold tone Oliver asked “Where were you?”

“I was screwing Thomas.”

“What?”

“You know Thomas?” smirked Connor “ _The Thomas_. Your Thomas.”

Oliver wanted to protest that he wasn’t _his_ Thomas but instead he let out a weak “What? Thomas whom?”

Connor rolled his eyes “Come on _Ollie_ -“ the way he pronounced his surname give to Oliver the chills.

There was not the usual warmth in there. Just a dark and cold tone was left when he pronounced it.

Oliver hates this.

Connor brings him up to reality when he added “I thought you were smart. I thought you will have put two and two together already. I was sleeping with Thomas.”

“How?” whispered Oliver his voice breaking “ _Why?_ ”

Connor smirked “Oh you really thought that I will go back to you just because you were afraid for me. Even after what you did and said? Even after you broke my heart again and again?”

Oliver looked at him as Connor snorted “God, you are so pathetic!”

The oldest man flinched away like Connor slapped him and he said his voice breaking “You don’t mean that.”

“Really?” smiled Connor in a cold smile he touched Oliver chest and added “Actually, I think that it is the truest words I have ever said to you.”

Oliver shook his head on the verge of tears and pushed Connor away “I hate you!”

“Don’t worry. The feeling is mutual.”

Oliver shook his head letting out a sob and stormed out. He bumped into Meggy who looked at him with a worried look but he didn’t stop and continued to run.

He just need to be away from Connor. He couldn’t even stay in the same piece than him anymore.

* * *

 

Oliver drove and drove, and before he knew it he was in front of the clinic. Like an autopilot he walked inside and opened the door. He wasn’t surprised to see it empty, he approached his desk and was staring at it with a blank stare.

_‘That's was what you wanted right? Working for Annalise. Doing exciting things. That’s what you wanted and look where you are now. You deleted his Stanford email and break his heart over and over again. You insulted him calling him ‘damaged’. You deserve this. You ruined everything’_

Oliver shook his head chasing this voice on his head but knowing that it was the truth. Nothing but the ugly truth.

He is the one who hurt Connor, he is the one who pushed him away. He deserves all of this and even more.

Oliver jumped when he felt a hand pressing his shoulder and turned pushing the other person away in reflex.

Simon raised his hands in surrender “Relax it _is me_. Chill.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question. Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend right now?”

“I-“started Oliver and he said his voice breaking “No he’s probably with Thomas right now.”

“What?” asked Simon with a confused look “The same one who send you these flowers?”

The oldest man only nodded.

“Well, I knew that Walsh was a slut and a jerk but to this point-“ he shook his head mockingly and said “Wow man.”

“He said that he hated me.”

Oliver didn’t know why he was confessing to Simon of _all of people_ , but he still did. Maybe because he need someone to talk to.

“Wait? What?” asked Simon as Oliver explained in a small tone that Connor slept with Thomas who rejected him because he was HIV positive.

“He did that because I hurt him. I hurt him over and over again. We both hurt each other every single time and we can’t seem to stop.” confessed Oliver in a low voice.

“Ollie that’s so fucked up--” started Simon with a small shook of his head.

Right then, Oliver finally break down and he cried trembling. His voice broke as he falls on the floor and was holding his head “It hurts. _It hurts so fucking much._ Please make it stop.”

A shocked Simon was looking at Oliver not knowing what to do. He was never good a comforting people but here it was totally different. Oliver was totally breaking down in the middle of the clinic.

_He never saw someone so broken._

“ _Please. make. it. stop._ ” pleaded Oliver still in tears, his voice breaking.

Simon did the only thing he could have done right now, he approached the oldest man like he was some frightening animal and sat down on the ground next to him.

He passed his arm around Oliver and said softly “Everything is going to be okay.”

Both of them knew that it was a lie but Oliver still buried his face in Simon shoulder as the dark haired man hugged him.

_“Everything is going to be okay.”_

* * *

A few days passed after his break down, Oliver was sat in his car who was parked in front of his building, he was shaking up; his heart totally broken. The only thought of Connor and Thomas put him on the verge of tears. No, he will not cry for them anymore. He’s not going to waste any more tears, for the both of them, _for him_. With a shook of his head, he took deep breath as he was holding on his steering wheel for dear life.

_“I slept with Thomas. Thomas. Thomas.”_

_“I hate you, so much”_

_“You ruined me”_

_“You are the jerk in this relationship”_

_“I’m damaged after all; so why do you care?”_

These words were turning again and again in Oliver head. Again, again and again since these past few weeks, since Annalise house burned down. These thoughts not leaving him alone. Cutting off his breath. Making him sick.

Connor words twisted at him; destroying him more and more every single day.

_God he hates him. He hates Connor so much._

But, he mostly hates himself more for still caring.

_For still loving him._

At this moment he wishes that he was the one under the sheet and not Nate. He just wants to sleep or die.

This past week was a total nightmare. All his life become a total nightmare and he’s the only one to blame for this.

Their relationship is broken, their relationship is fucked up and unhealthy. He really thought they could have go through this together, but him and Connor were too blinded up by their love to saw how toxic and fucked up their relationship was.

Too much secrets, hurting and bad things were done in both of their side. He did everything to hold into a small ray of hope, that if Connor was honest with him. Finally letting him in, they could work things out.

Together.

It could have worked. _It really could have._ Maybe.

Probably not.

Their relationship went too far. Both of them went too far. While he was worried sick for Connor, the later was boning the guy who hurt him. For Oliver it was the last straw. He will never forgive Connor for what he has done. He could screw Thomas all his life for all he cares.

It was the last betrayal.

Both of them are too much fucked up and broken. There is no going back.

Not from this. Not anymore.

It’s over. _Everything is._

Oliver shook up his head letting out a broken sob.

_He’s so fed up of pretending, he's so fed up of fighting. He's so fed up of everything._

* * *

At Michaela apartment as the both of them were sat on her couch she said "Look, I know that Oliver hurt you and everything but what you have said at the hospital was beyond cruel and mean"

“I’m not the one who used the other and who called him damaged!”

Michaela shouted angrily “You _both_ used each other. So stop this bullshit!”

“Whose side are you on?”

“I’m not on anyone side Connor, I’m just trying to give to the both of you the benefit of the doubt”

Connor snorted as she asked softly “What is the real reason Connor? I know that you are acting like that because you are hurt, so you lash out. But it can’t be just Ollie. It was his words who hurt you. There is something more. Right?”

The other man stayed silent as she demanded softly “Tell me. It’s eating you. You know that you could tell me everything right?”

Connor shook his head “Nothing happened, Oliver is just being a big jerk that’s all.”

“ _Connor_ ”

Connor sighed, after a few minutes of silence he blurted out “I was fourteen. My sister has this oldest friend Mason. He was older than me, I don’t know if was gay or not but he was just giving me these looks, you know?”

Michaela nodded as he continued “He was my sister best friend and one day out of the blue he kissed me. I was fourteen and I knew that I liked guys but when he kissed me I was sure. We saw each other for a few times, giving to each other blow jobs and all. And one night we were both drunk, I don’t even know how.”

Connor shook his head as Michaela heart stopped hoping that he will not say what’s he gonna say “We started to hook up. My sister and mom weren’t there. He started to kiss me and then after a few minutes, I realized that it was too soon, that I wasn't ready and I tried to push him away, but he-"

Michaela closed her eyes as she let out a gasp “But he was too strong and forced himself into me. The next morning when I woke up he wasn’t here. I get up and saw him standing in our kitchen when I tried to kiss him he pushed me away and said that it was over.”

“I thought he _liked_ me” spit out Connor in the verge of tears “But he just said that he could never like someone like me, who is damaged and dirty, and a slut.”

Michaela let out a few tears horrified “Oh god Connor. _I’m so sorry._ ” and then she hugged him as Connor finally broke down in her arms.

He never told this to anyone, not even his sister because he felt so ashamed and dirty, he thought that it was his fault.

If people told him one year ago that Michaela was the first person to whom he will confess to about this event, he would have laughed at them.

But he was surprised that when he said it, somehow, all the weight on his shoulders of this past weeks and past years was suddenly gone.

Time passed and both of them calmed down. Michaela proposed softly “Connor you should talk about this to Oliver.”

Connor shook his head “No. No, I can’t.”

“Connor you told this to me. You can tell this to Oliver as well.”

“No.”

Michaela sighed “Look Connor, I know that you love him- “

Connor opened his mouth but she raised her hand and said --I know that you do. And that acting like this with Oliver is just a defense mechanism. He deserves to know the truth, if it isn’t for him, do it for you.”

“I can’t” whispered Connor “He won’t look at me at the same way. He will be disgusted at me and won’t look at me in the same way.”

“I’m sure Ollie is not like that.”

“There are too much secrets between us and horrible things done to each other. Our relationship was unhealthy; I don’t know if we could get up from this”

“You can. I know that you could. Connor tell him everything he already told you how he wanted to know you, _all of you_.”

“I slept with Thomas- “started Connor and just then realization knock into him, he continued on the verge of tears “Oh god what I have done? I slept with Thomas and he probably hates me right now.”

“He will only hate you if you are still pushing him away and treating him like he’s the only responsible for the fallout of your relationship.”

She paused as Connor looked at her “You still have a chance to fix everything Connor. Don’t waste it. There’s lots of things that people don’t say to each other that they should just say. Do it. Talk to him. Don’t let fear keep you quiet.”

There was a small pause before Connor blurted out “He’s not gonna to answer at my call”

Michaela softly pressed Connor arm “Well, I could call him if you want say to him to come here so you two could talk?”

At Connor hesitant nod she smiled again and get up to took her phone in her room.

* * *

 

Oliver tries to steady himself with the wall of the stairs of his building as he was climbing them. After a few minutes he shook his head and climbed them again.

Two more steps and he will be at home. Two more steps before he could sleep and forget everything for one night.

Just one night.

As he was walking towards his door he noticed a pale figure sat on the floor in front of his door and sighed. He walked to his door and asked “What are you doing here?”

Thomas get up said, almost pleading “Oliver, please I know that I was jerk to you, but please let me explain”

“There is nothing more to explain. You slept with my ex. Go back to him. I don’t want to see either of you right now.”

“I didn’t know he was your ex!” protested Thomas as he raised his hands in surrender. By Oliver _look_ he knew that the oldest man didn’t buy his pathetic attempt of an excuse.

Thomas internally sighed and decided to go with the smooth road. He tried to took Oliver arm but he pulled away violently “Don’t touch me!”

“Please let me explain. Oliver it was just sex. I ended up everything at the minute I knew that he was your ex. Please give me a chance to explain and be honest with you, I’m begging you. _One last chance_ ”

“I’m sick of giving people second chances. I’m sick of everything.” snapped Oliver in a glacial tone.

Thomas shook his head “Please Oliver. Five minutes, just five and after I will get out of your life forever. I promise.”

Oliver look softened as Thomas repeated pleading _“Please.”_

A few long minutes passes as the both of them were looking at each other. The silence was deafening while Oliver looked at him with hesitance.

After all what’s was five minutes? How much harm it will do to listen to Thomas side of the story?

His life, himself and his relationship with Connor was already broken and fucked up beyond repair. He has nothing much left anymore.

_He has nothing more to lose._

“Fine. I give you five minutes. Don’t waste them,” retorted Oliver coldly as opened the door while Thomas smiled and nodded to him.

“Thanks. You are _so-not_ gonna regret this, I promise!”

Oliver smiled for the first time in weeks “You already make me regret my decision.” with these last words he finally entered into 303, letting his door open.

Thomas took his phone and texted at someone **_‘I slept with Connor and went to see Oliver like planned. I’m at his place right now.’_**

It took only a few seconds before someone texted to him ‘ ** _Good. Now take care of him’,_** the 30-years old man only hesitated for one second before he shook his head.

It's a shame really; he really started to like Oliver but he was paid to do a job after all.

“You have four minutes left” came Oliver annoyed voice inside his flat.

The brown man smiled as he took a gun that he was hiding in his back and entered into 303 closing the door behind him.

A deafening silence could be heard before the sound of a gunshot cut off the dark and silent night.

* * *

Michaela comes back with her phone and called Oliver.

It rang and rang and rang until- ‘ ** _This is Oliver, sorry I couldn’t answer to your call but let me your number and I will call you as soon as possible.’_**

Michaela signed she looked at Connor with a frown “He’s not answering”

Connor snorted “He’s probably filtering our calls, I told you.”

Michaela was about to respond when her front door opened and Asher entered all smiling “Hey guys I bring up some food!”

Seeing his friends looks, he closed the door and asked putting the bag from the Italian restaurant on Michaela coffee table “What’s going on? Did you guys get out and killed someone without me?”

Connor from the couch rolled his eyes while Michaela was annoyed “Not now Asher,”

Asher said sitting on the couch “Come on guys; I was kidding!” he then asked “So what’s going on?”

“We trying to reach Oliver but he doesn’t answer at his phone.”

Asher smiled getting up “Oh let me try! O-man doesn’t filter me, _ever_.”

He took his phone as Connor and Michaela exchanged looks but didn’t commented on it. Asher called at his turn but himself ended up in the voicemail.

Asher loose his smile, turning to look at them he retorted “O-man doesn’t answer to me, either”

“His phone is probably dead or something. I don’t honestly care.” said coldly Connor.

“Connor.” warned Michaela softly as Asher added “No, O-man doesn’t filter calls from any of us, even it is me. Maybe there is something wrong, guys.”

Connor rolled his eyes “Don’t be a drama queen. He’s probably sleeping.”

Michaela sighed but said “It’s late we're gonna try again tomorrow. Today was already long enough” and with these last words she walked to her room letting the two men alone.

“How come it doesn’t worry you?” asked Asher in an incredulous tone.

Connor shrugged “Ollie isn’t my business anymore”

Asher shook his head “Ok Con, I get it O-man break your heart and everything. What he said to you was hurtful but a part of what he said was also the truth.”

Connor stayed silent as Asher added “You didn’t saw how worried he was for you. We were all worried for you but especially him, he was really upset and afraid for you. While you were boning Thomas this entire time!”

The brown haired man smirked “Now you sound like Michaela. Stop this it is scary.”

Asher rubbed his eyes and blurted out walking towards the door “You know what?! I’m gonna see Ollie and I’m gonna fix this mess! You guys will own me big after this!”

Asher walked out of Michaela apartment slamming the door behind him which alerted the young black woman “Wait. Where did Asher go?”

“He’s being paranoid” was Connor only response a few seconds passes before his phone rang.

Connor smirk as he gets up “Well sorry but a guy on _Humpr_ just texted me. Looks like, I’m gonna get laid tonight after all.”

Michaela gives him a _look_ “Wait Connor. I was serious about Oliver. You two need to talk, so stop with this hook up non sense thing!”

Connor only closed his eyes with a sigh “You are right, sorry. I don’t know what is wrong with me.”

Michaela smiled teasing him “Wait did I heard it right or did Connor Walsh just admitted that someone else than him was right?”

Connor rolled his eyes “Shut up. It never happened.” Both of them stayed in a comforting silence before he said smiling “Well, I have someone to get back”

He was on the way to leave too but then his phone rang, he sighed seeing that Bonnie was calling them.

God what do she want now? Connor hesitated but then he finally took the call.

_Telling the truth to Oliver could wait for tomorrow._

* * *

It took thirty minutes for Asher to reach Oliver apartment. He just can’t believe that his two bros are being such idiots. The two of them will own him big. He expects to be at least one of their best-man at their gay wedding or that the two will call one of their future kids Asher.

_It will be the least they could do honestly._

Asher shook his head as he was standing in front of 303 and knocked. He waited for a few minutes but nobody answered with a groan he knocked again “O-man! I know you’re in there! It is Millstone open up!”

After a few whole minutes; only the silence greeted him. Asher shook his head and took his phone calling Oliver once again.

He thought he heard it rang inside but soon Oliver voicemail took place.‘ ** _This is Oliver, sorry I couldn’t answer to your call but let me your number and I will call you as soon as possible.’_**

Asher hanged up and tried to open the door but it was locked.  He shook his head and looked for the extra key, he reaches atop a hall light just outside his door and grabs it with a smile. At least crashing at their place for two whole weeks after his dad death helped him to saw were Oliver hided his extra key.

Putting the key in the lock, ready to enter, even if he knew it could be considered as breaking and entering, he shrugged. He already broken so many laws; what is one more? He smiled when he turned the key unlocking the door.

Just as he was about to open the door and enter, his hand in the doorknob ready to turn it, his phone rang cutting the deafening silence of the building.

Seeing the _Id-Caller_ he hesitated before he answered with still his hand on the doorknob “ _Hey Bon-_ “

He listened at Bonnie and sighed “Wait, Now? Could it wait?”

Asher sighed again at whatever answer Bonnie gave to him and said with defeat “Fine; I’m coming. Be here in twenty.”

He hangs up and put the key back to his hidden place and walked away taking his phone, trying to call Oliver, _again_.

Soon he was too far away to hear Oliver phone rang into 303. Oliver apartment was plugged in dark and the phone was the only light in the room as it was vibrating on the ground of 303.

Indeed, Oliver was in the room lying motionless in the ground on his bedroom covered with his blood.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I’m really sorry for any mistakes or grammatical errors. 
> 
> Disclaimer: HTGAWM doesn't belongs to me but to their actual owners and crazy writers. 
> 
> Thanks you so much to all of you for the overwhelming response I got for the part one. It means the world to me and brightened my day. 
> 
> Technically I should have posted this sooner but I literally took all the week to wrote it with university and everything. And I’ve at least wrote five different versions of the part two that I finally changed or deleted to get the final version. This one right here. 
> 
> Reponses at the Comments:
> 
> Iramax : Wow thank you so much for your constructive and kind comment. I’m really relieved that from your POV, I got the characters in Characters, I think that it is the hardest part for Fan fictions writers. You know because it could take just one sentence or one little slip for it to be OOC, so thanks you, you really made me smile when I read your comment and about the fact that the Characters are in Characters. It took a lot of others deleted part two before I came with this. And didn’t expected it to take literally all week. But thank you for your comment once again. 
> 
> Kittykat12: Thanks you so much for your comment! I’m really glad that you liked this. Your comment made me happy and warmed my heart.  
> By the way totally irrelevant to the story but didn’t you write too? Because, I might be in the wrong but I think that I read some of your writings too and that I loved them. That or it was another KittyKat? I don’t remember anyway sorry if I’m wrong about this. And thanks you again. 
> 
> Thanks to all of you again! And like always the song is strongly suggested.

_“ **Tell me that you turned down the man**_  
**Who asked for your hand**  
**Cause you're waiting for me**  
**And I know, you're gonna be away a while**  
**But I've got no plans at all to leave**  
**And would you take away my hopes and dreams?**  
**Just stay with me**

 **_All my senses come to life_ **  
**While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I**  
**Have ever been and I'll never leave again**  
**Cause you are the only one**  
**And all my friends have gone to find**  
**Another place to let their hearts collide**  
**Just promise me, you'll never leave again**  
**Cause you are the only one**

 **_Take my hand and my_ **  
**Heart and soul, I will**  
**Only have these eyes for you**  
**And you know, everything changes but**  
**We'll be strangers if, we see this through**  
**You could stay within these walls _and bleed_**  
**But just stay with me”**

  ** _One, Ed Sheeran._**

* * *

 

**_ Now/Then. _ **

Connor was sat in their table at the clinic while Annalise was explaining the case of the week, and frankly he didn’t give a damn.

He was looking at a blank spot in front of him, his face emotionless and blank. He could hear Annalise and the others students talking, the sound of their voices coming from the background somewhere but it seemed like that everything was muffled. It feels like that the sound was muted.

Connor felt numb, devoid of any emotion, pain, anger, disgust. He felt empty and he wondered if being dead actually means exactly that.

Being dead means that you couldn’t felt anything anymore, any happiness, pain, anger, disgust, not even distress just nothing.

Because being dead means that you are no longer here. That you are not alive and you need to be alive to felt emotions.

So it is really what we feel when we die?

Not technically dead but close to it. He just felt empty, he can’t felt anything.

He can’t believe it. He actually just can’t believe it. He tried to deny it for days, like nothing happened. Like everything was still okay.

Like his world didn’t totally completely fell apart. His heart and life shattered in a million little pieces and he can’t do anything about it.

Actually he could have but he was too stupid or too much of a coward to realize it sooner.

Now it was too late.

_“You are so pathetic”_

He can’t believe that it was actually his last words to Oliver.

Four words, four horrible words said with such hate, four words who were nothing but a lie, miles away from the truth. Miles away from what he should have really told him.

Others words who were closer to the truth than anything else he could have said to him, and everything he ever said to Oliver.

‘I love you’

It should have been his last words to the oldest man.

But now it was too late.

And he’s the only one to blame.

* * *

 

**_ Two Weeks Earlier- 8:00 AM _ **

A brown woman in her early forties left 304 and walked towards 303. She knows that it is early but she’s out of coffee and she really needs to drink some.

She knocked to the 303 door and waited. She knew that her young neighbor Oliver will have some. And will give to her, her dose of coffee.

That’s the kind of services that neighbors do. Hearing no answer, she knocked again calling her neighbor name “Oliver are you there?”

Again, no answer.

She frowned and was about to leave but she tried the door and at her surprise the door was open. The oldest woman hesitated but entered “Hey, Oliver the door is open.”

She closed it and added “Sorry to barge in but you know how much I need my coffee to go through the day.”

She turns around and makes a few steps calling Oliver name and then saw his phone lying on the ground just next to the couch.

 _Ok weird._ Her neighbor was really a cleaning freak. The few times that she came to his apartment it was always clean. Nothing out of place.

She walked towards Oliver bedroom and froze horrified when she saw Oliver lying motionless on the floor covered with his blood.

* * *

 

Twenty minutes later EMT’s were rushing Oliver gurney into the ER section and soon a woman wearing scrubs and nurses came to join them as the paramedic explained the situation ‘Male in his early thirties, a gunshot victim, unknown down time at least 12 hours. He’s also HIV positive.”

Doctor Lowell was shocked “God how can he be still alive?” and then shouted “Tell to the others to prepare an OR now. Let’s move people!”

Soon the doctors, the nurses and the paramedic walked away with Oliver gurney as the emergency doors were closing behind them.

Meggy walked out from Laurel room. Everything was fine and she was okay. Wes arrived and now he was staying in the room with her.

She was asleep but she will be just fine. And Meggy was relieved, of course she was still a little upset and mad about Laurel and Wes.

But now she is just relieved. Happy and glad that everyone was fine when everything could have taken a such worse route.

When all of their lives could have been changed forever.

So Meggy was smiling. That’s why she wanted to be a doctor. To save people.

That’s the best part of it, the best part of her job.

Suddenly her pager rang with a 911 and with a sigh she ran towards the emergency section.

She walked into a room smiling “So what do we have here?” suddenly she froze, her previous small was gone.

Doctor Lowell told to her to bring all the O-Neg she could find but she was frozen when she looked at the patient pale face.

Not again. _Please not again._

Because here was lying Oliver, looking very pale and white while the doctors tried to give some oxygen to him with a small balloon.

God what the hell happened?

* * *

 

A few minutes passed, the doctors took Oliver to the OR who was finally ready, Meggy walked in the hallway towards Laurel room.

She could have sworn she heard laughs coming from the young woman room and she knows that their happiness will be short.

God it is the part of the job she hated the most.

With a deep breath she knocked in the transparent hospital door room and entered. Wes and an awake Laurel were talking and laughing but they stopped when they saw Meggy expression.

After a few minutes of silence, Wes from his seat next to Laurel bed asked softly at the black woman “Meggy? Meggy what’s wrong?”

The young black intern closed her eyes and said in a whisper “It’s about Oliver”

* * *

 

Michaela came out of her bathroom at the sound of her phone ringing and checked at the hour; 8:20 AM god who’s calling her at this hour?

It was their day off, with everything that happened Annalise decided to give to them a day off, it was really surprising and odd coming from her but they didn’t complain. With all their exams and everything that happened they need a day off.

Or a thousand.

She took her phone in her robe frowning when she saw that Wes was calling her and answered “Hey Wes, I- “

She stopped when she heard Wes talking and her heart missed a beat “Wait. What?”

She waited. Waited for Wes to say something else. To say that she heard him wrong.

He didn’t.

“Wes!” shouted Michaela in panic now “What are you saying?”

Michaela dropped her phone, the small object hitting the ground and walked out of her room. Connor wasn’t there and Asher either.

Where the hell are they?!

She tried to calm down taking a deep breath on the verge of breaking down.

How could it have happened? Why did it happen? Couldn’t they use a fucking breath? Why does it keeps happening to them?

She was on the way to get out when the door opened and Connor and Asher entered with a bag of some coffee shop whose was near her building.

They were both smiling but stopped in their tracks when they saw Michaela expression.

“Guys- “said the young black woman in a whisper on the verge of tears.

Connor was the first one to speak. And of course his greeting was a sarcastical one.

“Are you having an attack?”

In any other circumstances the young black woman would have ignored his pick or would have rolled her eyes, but loss of words she just shook her head.

Asher then asked worried after exchanging a look with Connor “Hey, what’s wrong?”

After a few long minutes Michaela finally opened her mouth.

* * *

 

Soon all of them were on the waiting room at the hospital. They didn’t count all the red fires they ran out. Connor was sat in a chair, emotionless and in shock as Michaela, Asher and Wes were standing in front of Meggy who informed them about the situation.

“Someone shot him?” almost shouted Michaela shocked as Meggy continued “Yes. Apparently, some neighbor found him in the morning. We don’t know how long he stayed like this. But guys it isn’t good, he’s is in critical condition- “

Asher cut her off “Wait do you mean that he could die?!”

Meggy raised her hands “We don’t know anything yet, he’s still in surgery. They are doing anything they can but- “she stopped and added “You should maybe prepare yourselves”

She leaves with these last words as Asher retorted "Prepare ourselves? That's what they tell to family patient before they call the time of death"

Connor let out a dry and manic broken chuckle as everyone stayed in a deafening silence, too shocked to react.

Hours passed as the Keating Five were sat in the emergency room, even Laurel left her hospital room and was sat in a chair next to Wes as she was holding his hand.

Michaela and Asher looked at Connor sat in the chair in front of them whom since he learned about Oliver stayed in a emotionless state. He was in shock but he wasn’t reacting, it wasn’t like he was here anymore.

It was like his body was here, that he was physically here but that emotionally he wasn’t. He looked like a fucking robot and it was really scaring the two students lawyers.

The youngest man shook his head, he can’t believe that he left. He should have done something. He knew that something was wrong, he just knew it, but when Bonnie called him he just left.

His train of thoughts were cut off when he saw someone he knew too well entering in the hospital and joining them in the waiting room.

“What the hell happened? Why haven’t you called me?”

Connor seemed to snaps at the owner of the voice and Asher heart stop as he saw his friend looking at Annalise whom was standing in the middle of the room, waiting for an explanation.

_Oh, it can’t be good._

Annalise all composed and calm looked at her students and finally added “Wes, tell me.”

Connor said in a whisper “It’s all your fault.”

Their boss turned her head to look at him as he gets up and said pushing her violently “All of this is your fault!”

Michaela and Wes were the first to react; they get up and dragged Connor away from Annalise as he was about to attack her for the second time. Connor pushed them away and Annalise said in a very calm and composed voice “You need to keep your emotions straight. Can one of you tell me what happened now?”

Michaela glared at the black woman as Asher shook his head and Wes finally responded for them “Someone shot Oliver”

Annalise looked at all of them as a small silence ensues and finally “Did you know who it was?”

Connor let out dry snort “Of course we don’t know who it is. The only thing we sure of is that you are probably the fucking angel of death. Everyone dies around you. And everyone lives falls apart around you.”

Everyone stayed silent and finally Annalise said trying to grab the youngest man shoulder “Connor, I will find who did this, I promise this to you.”

Connor pulled away violently like she burned him, he spits out his voice filed with venom “If he dies, I swear to god that I’m gonna kill you.”

They didn’t have to react further because Dr. Lowell came to them and asked if they were here for Oliver Hampton.

_And then she talked about Oliver status and Connor word fell apart._

Connor froze in shock. He could saw Laurel crying shaking her head as Wes shook his head shocked as he was sitting down in the chair next to Laurel. He could saw Michaela closing her eyes and breaking, crying somewhere in front of him and he could see Asher horrified expression as he tried to hold into the hospital wall next to him.

He could saw all of this but he couldn’t process anything. It felt like that the world stopped to move and that he was stuck in time.

* * *

 

 **_ Now/ _ ** **_ Then. _ **

Connor jumped on his seat in Annalise classroom when he felt someone pressing his arm. He saw Michaela and Asher trying to smile to him but failed.

God. That’s what they do now? They kill people, they are covering murders and then they go back to their lives like nothing happened?

Ollie was right they all are fucking damaged. All of them are fucking damaged beyond repair. Killing people could do that to someone.

Connor could hear Michaela asking him in a small tone if he want to go to her place and study for the exams.

“Are you really caring about fucking mid-terms right now?” asked Connor with a snort and a hoarse tone.

Michaela and Asher shared a look and the other man said “Dude O-man wouldn’t want you to ruin your career like this, he would want all of us to keep going.”

“Can you guys just stop talking about him like he’s dead?” Connor rolled his eyes “He’s gonna wake up.”

“ _Look_ Connor, I did one year as a medical student and even Meggy told to us that Oliver will never woke up. I-” started Michaela softly on the verge of tears but he abruptly gets up from his seat cutting their conversation off, and noticed for the first time that everyone already left the classroom.

Was it was already lunchbreak? It didn’t even occur to him.

He put his jacket, took his bag and walked away ignoring his friends calls.

* * *

 

**_ Two Weeks Earlier- 4 PM  _ **

“He's out from surgery. It went pretty well,” at Doctor Lowell sentence everyone let out a breath of relief but then she added softly “But his condition is really critical; since he was down for at least 12 hours; well, he stayed on this state for too long which caused a lack of oxygen on his brain.”

She paused as the Keating Five looked at her “He is in coma right now with a machine that is helping him to breathe. I’m sorry but due to the gravity of the situation it will be very unlikely for him to wake up.”

* * *

 

**_ Now/Then. _ **

After twenty minutes the young student lawyer finally arrived at the hospital it has been two weeks since the oldest man was shot.

And he stayed in the same state.  He was still in a deep and profound coma and as the days passes there was even less hope for Oliver to even wake up on day.

Connor took a deep breath closing his eyes as he was standing in front of a hospital room. He looked through the glass window and looked at Oliver form.

He was connected to a machine who helped him to breathe and with a last deep breath, trying to calm himself the young man entered.

Connor makes a few steps towards Oliver bed and he reluctantly sat down in the chair next to the bed. It clearly took all his willpower to not climb into the bed with him.

Connor softly smiled as he took Oliver hand, and if he knew better he could have sworn that he was just sleeping.

But he wasn’t.

The brown haired man pressed Oliver hand and softly said _“Hey Ollie.”_

There was a pause before Connor added smirking “Why don’t you stop acting like an Idiot and woke up now. You need to prove everyone wrong, especially Michaela. I just want to see her face when she will realize that she was wrong all along.”

He let out as small chuckle against his best judgment and muttered “So stop being fucking stubborn for once and just wake up. _Please_ , because there are so much things that I need to tell to you and I could only do this if you are actually awake and _at home_ with me, by my side.”

Connor rolled his eyes “Ok five minutes or being a sap is already over. So can you just wake up, actually?”

The noise of the breathing machine and Oliver heart monitor were the only sound of the room.

* * *

 

A few weeks passed and Oliver status remained the same, which means still in coma, everyone tried to stay with him when Connor couldn’t, well more when he didn’t have other choice to do so. Today Asher was the one in Oliver room, he was sat on the chair next the oldest man bed as he was playing some shoot’em up game on his laptop.

Asher yells “Haha! Got ya! Die, die,die!” just then he saw a nurse passing her head into the room to take a look and rapidly composed himself pretending to tape “This title declares it to be the policy of the United States that ….”

The red haired nurse takes a last look at the young student lawyer as he smiles politely to her, waving his hand, she walks away and the youngest man sighed.

He didn’t have the time to come back into his game because out of sudden Oliver opens in eyes and was totally panicking.

Asher let out a gasp as he abruptly gets up, his laptop fell on the ground but he didn’t care. Oliver  was in complete distress, he approached him and the other man finally noticed him but it didn’t increase his panic.

Oliver looks at him still in distress and the youngest man didn’t realize it has just been seconds until Meggy enters in Oliver room and tries to calm him down.

Meggy approached his bed and said softy like she has done with Laurel some time ago “Oliver calm down, you are ok. You are in the hospital everything is fine. You have a tube down your throat that is helping you to breathe, so you need to calm down.”

Oliver is still panicking while Asher was standing next to him on the verge of tears, Meggy does her best to calm him down as she yells “Page Dr. Lowell!”

* * *

 

At least thirty minutes passed and Oliver was still lying on his bed as Doctor Lowell and Meggy explained everything to him.

Asher was standing next to him smiling the entire time. And after they were sure that the oldest man was calm they stormed out of his room to give some time for him to process everything. 

Meggy took his tube away since he was awake and could breathe on his own now. Asher from outside the room said “This is crazy!”

“Yeah, I know” nods Meggy softy as Asher takes another look into Oliver room to be sure that his bro was awake.

Asher repeats astonished “This is insane you guys said that he will never wake up.”

“We said unlikely.  It will be unlikely for him to ever wake up. There is a difference”

Asher waves his hand trying to demises her “That’s the same thing!”

Meggy resists at the urge to roll her eyes and adds “You should call the others. Let them know” with a last small smile she walks away as Asher enters into Oliver room all smiling.

“Ok, so O-man is not the right name for you anymore but more like Superman, you survived HIV and being shot waking up from a profound coma.”

Oliver just looks at him with a small smile still feeling uneasy and Asher retorts standing to the right side of the hospital bed “I’m calling Connor _and the_ \- “

But at the mention at Connor name Oliver shook his head and starts to panics, he grabs Asher wrist as the young man looks at him confused.

Asher then ask gulping finally understanding “Dude you don’t want me to call Connor?”

Again Oliver seems on the verge of a panic attack as he shook his head again.

Asher sighed hesitant, Meggy told to him ‘No stress of any kind or anything that could upset him because he heart could stop and he could go back into coma or worse die’

He doesn’t know what to do.

Oliver pleads silently with him and Asher then said reluctantly “Ok. Ollie I won’t, I promise.”

The oldest man looks at him and seems to be convinced because he nods once grateful smiling to him not trusting his voice right now.

“I won’t call him.”

* * *

 

_Of course. He did._

Asher was standing in front of Oliver room and took his phone calling Connor. The other man picks up at the second ring and didn’t have the time to talk because Asher said eagerly “Man, guess what?”

He doesn’t let the other man answers as he adds “Are you sitting down right now?”

“Just get to the point Asher!” snaps Connor annoyed and Asher could practically saw the eye roll that accompanied his sentence.

A few minutes passes as Asher explains to him what happened and Connor heart misses a beat as he said in a whisper “Wait. What?”

Oliver looks outside at Asher form from his glass window and knows that he is calling Connor right now. He shouldn’t be surprised and he closed his eyes trying to calm himself down.

He almost wants to run away but he knew right away that it was a stupid idea; One; He knows that with the heart monitor and Asher and all the doctors he couldn’t go anywhere and Two: It wasn’t the answer.

Oliver sighed he knew it was stupid but at the mention of Connor; he panicked. Because he can’t help but link him to Thomas. And thinking about Connor makes him think about Thomas and Thomas is the one who tried to...

Never mind shook his head the oldest man as he finally opened his eyes. He knew it was stupid, Connor isn’t the one who shoot him but he just couldn’t help it.

He doesn’t know if he has the strength to face the youngest man now.

* * *

 

 _Fortunately-or-Unfortunately_ Connor came and enters into his room twenty minutes later. The later looks at him and seems on the verge of tears and it is really something unusual on the young man face.

A long silence ensues as the hospital door room close behind him and as the two ex-lovers look at each other; not knowing what to say.

Or where to begin.

Staring at him deeply Oliver frowned. Connor seems to be frozen in time. There was something weird with him, when he saw Connor entering he saw that his expression was blank; emotionless but at the minutes passes by, he saw more and more emotions pass in Connor eyes.

_Relief, Sadness, Astonishment, Fear, Anger and finally Love._

It was like that all of his emotions were crushing back into him all at once, like waves in a sea, when he saw him, when he was finally sure that he was awake.

After a few minutes of a deafening silence that seemed too long, the oldest man finally said in a small and hoarse voice “Hey.”

“Hey back.” Responded Connor softly like he couldn’t still believe it.

Another silence ensues and it took all Connor willpower to not fling himself into Oliver bed while he took a few more steps and sit down on the chair next to him.

Oliver was about to talk when Connor suddenly blurts out “I was abused when I was younger”

“What?” ask Oliver softly finally getting his normal voice back “What are you talking about?”

“Ollie, I need to talk to you, and I know that we were never good at that. But let’s try for once, Ok? I need to talk to you about something,” Connor scoffs as he adds “A lot of things actually and I need you to listen to me and not interrupt me because I need to say it once. And you need to hear it.”

He paused taking a deep breath “So just listen to me, Ok?”

Oliver nods while Connor assured himself that they were the only ones in the room and that the door was fully closed.

And he finally did what Oliver had always wanted him to do.

_Opening to him. Let him in._

Both men didn’t know how much time passed since Connor came and confessed everything, about being abused to all the murders and his fake drug addiction. Or even how long they stayed in a complete and deafening silence since then, but it was obviously hours because the sun was already down.

Connor seeing Oliver look asked softly “Say something.”

Oliver shook his head looking away on the verge of tears and Connor taking it on the wrong way snorted getting up.

“Right. Ok, fine.”

He was about to leave but Oliver grabs him on the wrist and said “No, please Con don’t.”

Connor sighed but stopped as Oliver scoot away to give some place to the young man “Come here.”

“What?” asked the other man confused.

Oliver rolls his eyes and drags Connor into the bed as he let out a yelp of surprise. He climbs into the bed still and said softly “Ollie we can’t."

“Why you didn’t tell me?” asked Oliver as he let out a few tears, horrified by what happened to the young man but also horrified by all the murders.

Connor stayed silent as Oliver wipes away his tears “You really thought that I will saw you differently? That I will be disgusted at you?”

“Yeah” responded Connor in a whisper.

“God. Connor. I could never-“

Oliver closes his eyes and adds “I’m sorry.”

At Connor confused look he said “I’m sorry for what happened to you and I’m sorry for what I said to you.”

“Ollie-“

“Not let me talk. You own me that.” retorted Oliver sternly.

“You are not damaged Connor, don’t let anyone ever said that to you.  I’m sorry _and I_ -“ he stopped himself and repeated “You are not damaged Con.”

Connor wanted to protest, say that he was actually damaged and that he was right all along but instead he said “Maybe we are both damaged.”

“Maybe,” smiled sadly the oldest man "Look, Not matter what happens between us, I can’t let you go. Something always brings me back to you,” he then added “I don’t know what it is telling about us, but all I know is that I love you, every part of you. So, Thanks for being honest,"

 “Always from now on. No more lies, I love you too, _so much_ , even when I fucking hate you . And what does it say about us? I think that it means that we are each other _home’s_ ”

Oliver rolled his eyes “You are such a sap.”

Connor let out a chuckle  “Well I prefer to be damaged with you than being normal and functional without you.”

And before Oliver could add something more, Connor hugs him, burying his face in Oliver neck.

The oldest man cringes at the contact for barely _one second_ before he remembers that is is Connor.

And despite everything that happened between them, all the hurt, the hate, the broken hearts, Connor was fine, Connor was safe.

_Connor was home._

And it was enough for now.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It is 19 January yet? Oh and Happy Late Thanksgiving to you all, I hope that all of you had a great day yesterday.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. It will probably won't happen on the show but who knows? I'm so mad at the writers right now, they had the perfect moment to make Connor confess everything but no, let's break Coliver shipper hearts even more, guys! And what he did in the end, god I was like Connor is alive yay but it broke my heart, I literally thrown my pillow on my TV when I saw this.


End file.
